The reason why many attempts to deal with conflict in relationship fail in the long run is due to the interevntions not taking into consideration the issue of triggering. Triggering is when an individual has particular velnerabilities, often that they are not aware of, to particular stimuli. For some people, raising of voices will trigger them, for others silence will trigger them. It is essential for a sustainable relationship that each of the people in the relationship have an understanding of this, otherwise they will not understand why they or their partner does things that doesn't make sense in present moment context.
Once the couple begins to understand these triggered moment then the behavioural methods like time-out for disengaging, or being able to set and enforce limits around themselves will be able to become more effective.
Wait for my next exciting episode of how to navigate conflicts in long term relationships.
If you would like more information or to discuss this further, please contact David Gotlieb, a Bowral based counsellor who also works in Sydney.