Setting limits and enforcing them with partners or children

Posted by Bhakti Das on Tuesday, July 01, 2014

The biggest difficulty people have in relationship is looking after themselves. There is a reason for this. When we are kids we are unabe to, in the face of our parents/carers invading our personal space in the form of very 'normal' (yet not particularly sensitive) discipline techniques. As a kid, we have no choice but to let this happen as we have a higher imperative...survival, getting fed tomorrow. Of course, what most of us notice is that much later on in life when we are completely independent, we are still acting as if we are not and letting all and sundry people use insensitive methods of communicating (voice raising name calling, verbal and physical threats) and we don't simply get out of harms way. This makes no sense in present day context and only makes sense in a 'healing trying to happen' context. These disturbing signals are trying to draw attention to that which needs healing in the form of mechanisms that have been there for as long as we can remember knocking on the door asking to be dealt with in sensitive way. It doesn't matter whether you notice you're the one on the receiving end of the insensitive methods or the one doing the insensitive methods and then regretting it. They are part of the same training, one is externalised and one is internalised. 

Bowral Counselling can offer you ways to be able to do what's called 'Stop or I'm leaving'. This is not a stop or I'm divorcing you. This is the ability to set boundaries around your personal space on a moment by moment basis that shows clearly to your partner or children that you want to be in relationship with them but not when they are doing behaviours that are insensitive.

If you live in the Southern Highlands and have any desire to improve your relationships, with your partner  your children or extended family. Call Bhakti Das (David Gotlieb) for counselling, psychotherapy, or some good oldfashioned good advice when it somes to relationships.

If you would like more information or to discuss this further, please contact David Gotlieb, a Bowral based counsellor who also works in Sydney.