Blog

Setting limits and enforcing them with partners or children

Posted by Bhakti Das on Tuesday, July 01, 2014

The biggest difficulty people have in relationship is looking after themselves. There is a reason for this. When we are kids we are unabe to, in the face of our parents/carers invading our personal space in the form of very 'normal' (yet not particularly sensitive) discipline techniques. As a kid, we have no choice but to let this happen as we have a higher imperative...survival, getting fed tomorrow. Of course, what most of us notice is that much later on in life when we are completely independent, we are still acting as if we are not and letting all and sundry people use insensitive methods of communicating (voice raising name calling, verbal and physical threats) and we don't simply get out of harms way. This makes no sense in present day context and only makes sense in a 'healing trying to happen' context. These disturbing signals are trying to draw attention to that which needs healing in the form of mechanisms that have been there for as long as we can remember knocking on the door asking to be dealt with in sensitive way. It doesn't matter whether you notice you're the one on the receiving end of the insensitive methods or the one doing the insensitive methods and then regretting it. They are part of the same training, one is externalised and one is internalised. 

Bowral Counselling can offer you ways to be able to do what's called 'Stop or I'm leaving'. This is not a stop or I'm divorcing you. This is the ability to set boundaries around your personal space on a moment by moment basis that shows clearly to your partner or children that you want to be in relationship with them but not when they are doing behaviours that are insensitive.

If you live in the Southern Highlands and have any desire to improve your relationships, with your partner  your children or extended family. Call Bhakti Das (David Gotlieb) for counselling, psychotherapy, or some good oldfashioned good advice when it somes to relationships.

If you would like more information or to discuss this further, please contact David Gotlieb, a Bowral based counsellor who also works in Sydney.

Marriage relationship conflict tips

Posted by Bhakti Das on Monday, June 23, 2014

For the most part, we fall in love and decide to nest. All is well until we're not able to maintain our 'best' behaviour and who we are 'warts and all' com out much to our own and our partners disappointment. What pops out are , what I call default mechanisms eg voice raising, name calling, put downs and various forms of intimidation in order to either get our partner to leave us alone or agree with us. David Gotlieb aka Bhakti Das offering Counselling in Bowral and the Southern Highlands can help you deal with conflict in relationship using his healing Inner Conflict principals and his Negotiation Guide which has a helped many couples fight fair! There is a certain mechanics to the intentions we have when we argue and the methods we use to get our point across. The intention is usually very pure but the method that we end up using is often wildly insensitive. We often use hurtful methods with the people we love most In The world and end up regretting that one moment afterwards.

If you would like more information or to discuss this further, please contact David Gotlieb, a Bowral based counsellor who also works in Sydney.

Dealing with Conflict in relationship

Posted by Bhakti Das on Tuesday, May 06, 2014

The reason why many attempts to deal with conflict in relationship fail in the long run is due to the interevntions not taking into consideration the issue of triggering. Triggering is when an individual has particular velnerabilities, often that they are not aware of, to particular stimuli. For some people, raising of voices will trigger them, for others silence will trigger them. It is essential for a sustainable relationship that each of the people in the relationship have an understanding of this, otherwise they will not understand why they or their partner does things that doesn't make sense in present moment context. 

Once the couple begins to understand these triggered moment then the behavioural methods like time-out for disengaging, or being able to set and enforce limits around themselves will be able to become more effective.

Wait for my next exciting episode of how to navigate conflicts in long term relationships. 

If you would like more information or to discuss this further, please contact David Gotlieb, a Bowral based counsellor who also works in Sydney.